A Frump’s Dream of a Funeral

Nancy Daley
2 min readSep 20, 2022


A Frumpworthy tombstone, Milan. Note the Stations of the Cross to commemorate the World’s Biggest Victim. (Author’s photo)

So my niece and I were watching scenes from the Queen’s funeral yesterday and I couldn’t help but think how putrid with envy the Frump must be: it was the funeral of his dreams. All the military, the foreign dignitaries, music, horses, all those medals! People lining the streets twenty deep for miles, for days! Sobbing, throwing flowers. Tender love notes placed on his coffin. A little flag to denote that here lies a great leader.

Every single funeral thing you could imagine, and then some.

I worried that the royal family must be exhausted by now. I thought Princess Anne looked very tired, and wondered what it must be like to have one of your saddest life experiences played out for all the world to see. But at least with a week of all that mourning, they can now go on with their lives. I’d be too tired to be sad any longer.

Life goes on. The King’s valet will put toothpaste on the King’s toothbrush just like always.

Does he have a new toothbrush every day?

In any event, I had to laugh at the idea of Frump having a funeral like that. How hard he would get just watching.

And how wonderful it would be knowing he’d miss the entire thing! He wouldn’t even be able to amass dozens of boxes of press clippings to bring back to Barf-A-Lago. Or Bedmaster. Or FBI headquarters.

The best part would be the RNC having to foot the bill for the whole shebang, including cleaning up afterward.

Hell, I’d chip in a dollar for that. It would be worth it, just to get the horseshit cleaned up and gone.

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Nancy Daley

Artist, food-worshipper, grouch, retired psychologist and uni lecturer (Human Sexuality). Currently running for Queen of the Universe.