You’re Going to Fucking Kill Yourself

Is what I just whispered to Ella.

Author’s photo. See what I’m up against?

Ella is our fourteen-week-old border collie who lives to put everything in her mouth. There is nothing she won’t bite, chew, eat, or drink. Nothing. I have to have my eyes on her at all times while she is awake.

I feel like a new parent who must institute numerous security measures just to go to the bathroom, although Ella is always happy…